Welcome To The Bowland Badass
What is the Bowland Badass?
The Bowland Badass is a torturous 166-mile cloverleaf-shaped route that begins and ends in Garstang, dipping and diving up and down an almost seemingly endless succession of hills, all within the Forest of Bowland Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty (including Pendle Forest). With over 18,500 feet (over 5500 metres) of ascent, this fiendish route criss-crosses some of the most scenic countryside that Lancashire has to offer in a relentless series of punishing climbs, the rare flat sections few and far between. Pushed up against yourself and your ability to endure, you suffer and smile, pedalling onwards into darkness. Can you do it? Of course you can, or you can certainly bust your guts trying……….
Originally envisaged as a club ride by some members of a local cycling club, the Badass was first completed in the summer of 2011 by nine foolhardy riders. It was such a blast that we decided to throw it open to a limited number of all comers on the 7th July 2012. For the cheap and cheerful cost of £10, you’ll get to become a Bowland Badass.
So what do I get for my tenner?
First of all, it is not just a sportive. It is a largely self-supporting challenge ride. We would just say join us as a guest on the ride next summer but that’s not the way the world works these days. So your money will go on insurance (for us) and some food (for you). Yes, a kind, local benefactor has laid on two vans that will be parked at two strategic points along the route with food and water. You will sign in at the start point, and sign out at the finish point and be given a completion time. You might even have to sign in at the two van stations if we can be bothered. We will ensure you have completed the ride with the time-honoured method of checking your bike computer to see you’ve got more or less the required mileage, and believing you when you say you have done it. In summary therefore, you get:
- A link to an electronic map and/or we send you a GPX file for your Garmin.
- A set of instructions that you can follow
- Arrow signs/painted arrows at strategic points/changes of direction
- A beautiful ride along largely car free roads and lots of empty sky above you (though we don’t guarantee the colour or moisture levels)
- Insurance cover (in addition to your own, which we presume you have as a matter of course).
- A couple of vans with some food and water (do not rely on these solely for your sustenance however because once we’ve spent your tenner that’s it, and if you follow a strict nutrition/hydration/beauty regime then bring your powders, potions and lotions with you)
- A few cafes/shops along the way where you’ll be able to forage for all those extra calories you will most certainly need (you’ll require money for this)
- A few riders out there who’ve done it before, know the roads, and whom you can follow at a gasping distance/ride along with/blast into the weeds like the vermin that they are (depending on preference)
- Signing in/out
- Start/finish point with a time given
- A story to tell the grandkids
You do NOT get:
- Mechanical help (though there might be a track pump and a few grubby tools in each of the vans)
- Motorcycle outriders (the only motorcyclists you’ll see are local clubs out for a burn up)
- Police cover (though it is said that there are some policemen in the Lancashire area from time to time).
- Medical assistance (St. Johnis not our patron saint, it is St. Billy No Mates)
- Sag wagon (if you have either a mechanical problem or a cardiac arrest you’ll be making your own way home, and public transport/mobile phone coverage is a tad sketchy in Bowland)
- Electronic timing/numbers (this might be nice, but it costs money and needs organisation, neither of which we possess in the required amounts)
- T-shirt/participants pack (if you want a t-shirt, a crumpled packet of gel and a bunch of useless leaflets to chuck on the fire we suggest you stump up £30 and go and do a “proper sportive” and wait in a queue for 3 hours at the end along with 50,000 other people)
It sounds tough……why should I do it?
If you want to do it precisely because it sounds tough, then this is the ride for you. It’s an old-fashioned event in the audax/reliability ride style. If you’re thinking “Ride 166 miles AND have to carry a pie!” then don’t bother entering. If you can get up tomorrow morning early and pop out a 100-mile ride with no prep and no fuss (and then do it again the next day) then download the entry form now.
What do I need to bring to the party?
The usual things: A bike, a lid, a brain, common sense, a bike computer that works, and a good set of legs. We’ll cover our arses with a fulsome set of rules and regulations as dictated by our insurer.
How long does it take?
Best time so far is 12 hours 40 minutes, set completely unsupported on a windy spring day by Professor Badass himself. The start time is 07:00 and we expect times of between 10 and 15 hours (after 15 hours the guy who takes your name at the end will either have gone home or be too pissed to understand your incoherent, exhausted ramblings). If you do better than 10 hours we might buy you a pint or give you a trophy (in accordance with your preference).
Can I recce it?
If you want to do sections of the course beforehand, then why not? You can ride the whole damn thing on your own if you like……….
Can I race it?
By all means be our guest if that floats your boat, but if you do it on the day you will be listed merely as a finisher along with everyone else (though we might append times to the list of Badass finishers and if you’re really anal you can export the whole lot into an Excel spreadsheet and work out just how many other people you squashed like bugs and then re-post it on Facebook or whatever….)
A nice route, a drop of insurance and a bit of food…..Is it worth a tenner?
Ride 166 miles up and down a big load of hills with no food and no-one else mad enough to do it with you and then ask yourself the question again.
Bowland Badass Climbs in order of appearance
Here are the Bowland Badass Climbs in order of appearance, all 27 of them. You can find a write up of each climb by name by just clicking back through our posts. Bear in mind that the Bowland Badass Climbs only represent 50% of the total climbing on the Badass…… It is NOT FLAT! The ups and downs are relentless, and there is no place to hide.
There are some hills/climbs which we didn’t include, either because they are just pre-cursors to featured hills/climbs (such as the climb out of Caton to the base of Littledale Top), they sort of blend into each other and are hard to separate out (such as the Easington Corrugations), or we just forgot or couldn’t be bothered (such as Cross Hill out of Abbeystead at mile 14 or Thorn Hill at mile 17 or the Eidsforth Killer Cramp Corner at mile 158 or or or or….you get the idea).
|
Name |
Starts (mile) |
Length (miles) |
Starts (feet) |
Finishes (feet) |
Height gain (feet) |
Avge % gradient |
| Catshaw Fell |
6.67 |
2 |
258 |
637 |
379 |
3.6 |
| Littledale Top |
24.97 |
0.54 |
423 |
690 |
267 |
9.4 |
| Jubilee Hill |
27.44 |
2.18 |
304 |
930 |
626 |
5.4 |
| Trough of Bowland |
34.34 |
1.89 |
563 |
1003 |
440 |
4.4 |
| Long Knots |
40.74 |
1.27 |
329 |
657 |
328 |
4.9 |
| Seed Hill |
47.52 |
1.3 |
376 |
759 |
383 |
5.6 |
| Marl Hill |
49.23 |
0.92 |
643 |
956 |
313 |
6.4 |
| Beacon Hill |
57.17 |
0.97 |
585 |
865 |
280 |
5.5 |
| Knotts Hill |
64.35 |
2.01 |
400 |
756 |
356 |
3.4 |
| Bowland Knotts |
71.77 |
3.28 |
608 |
1388 |
780 |
4.5 |
| Cross of Greet |
82.33 |
4.73 |
509 |
1396 |
887 |
3.6 |
| Merrybent Hill |
89.82 |
0.67 |
829 |
1052 |
223 |
6.3 |
| Waddington Fell |
97.15 |
2.29 |
414 |
1166 |
752 |
6.2 |
| Pendle Hill |
106.20 |
2.9 |
469 |
1136 |
667 |
4.4 |
| Barley Hill |
110.22 |
0.49 |
717 |
982 |
265 |
10.2 |
| Nick of Pendle |
115.04 |
0.91 |
489 |
969 |
480 |
10.0 |
| Whalley Nab |
120.72 |
0.68 |
171 |
563 |
392 |
10.9 |
| Little Town Hill |
127.30 |
1.55 |
79 |
368 |
289 |
3.5 |
| Birdy Brow |
134.39 |
0.74 |
187 |
632 |
445 |
11.4 |
| Longridge Fell |
138.25 |
0.82 |
663 |
928 |
265 |
6.1 |
| Chipping 1 |
142.90 |
0.74 |
381 |
564 |
183 |
4.7 |
| Chipping 2 |
143.71 |
0.48 |
518 |
689 |
171 |
6.7 |
| Beacon Fell |
145.71 |
1.01 |
485 |
753 |
268 |
5.0 |
| Brock Bottom |
149.40 |
0.22 |
280 |
365 |
85 |
7.3 |
| Delph Lane |
151.20 |
1.3 |
490 |
760 |
270 |
3.9 |
| Harrisend Fell |
154.31 |
0.39 |
527 |
572 |
45 |
2.2 |
| Long Lane Hill |
159.70 |
0.23 |
188 |
258 |
70 |
5.8 |
Bowland Badass Climbs #27 – Whalley Nab
The Stats
Starts at mile 120.72 Length 0.68 m Feet of height gain 392 Average gradient 10.9%
We discussed whether or not to tell you about this hill. It was thought that we should just sadistically spring it on you as a surprise, but Professor Badass decided it would be much better if we told you ALL about it in advance and let you writhe and stew in your juices for months beforehand. Well…..How hard can it be? It’s only about 0.7 of a mile with 392 feet of height gain after all….and with an average gradient of just under 11% you could get up that blindfolded on your niece’s tricycle in its big ring, couldn’t you? Well, the key is in the word average. This hill is S-T-E-E-P. It flattens slightly halfway, and you’ll need it to because by the time you get there your lungs will be flopping out over your handlebars and your adductors will be screaming. The first part is a vertiginous spiral right from when you cross Whalley Bridge and jink left up round the corner and into the trees. Past the scary Satan tree and over a blind brow the flatter bit begins. Blessed relief! But then it kicks up again and suddenly you find yourself having to dig really deep until the radio mast passes on your left and you reach the right turn by barking dog house. If you haven’t got enough electrolytes into you over the previous 10 miles you’re on a one-way ride to Cramp City. Do not stop spinning. Do not unclip. There’s no point getting off and pushing unless you’re wearing hiking boots. If you’re a local you might have jousted on this hill with your mates on a 30-mile scorcher. You might even have gone up slow and steady at the tail end of an 80-mile club ride. It’s an old friend with a familiar face, isn’t it? Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! After 121 miles of Badassing the Nab represents severe and deadly stranger danger. If you’ve never stared into the inky, black depths of Death’s sullen eye sockets before, this is where you’ll do it.
The bit before Long Lane Hill (circa 157 – 160 miles)
This section bit starts more or less at Three Holes Ford, so named because of the strategically-positioned wheel breaking holes on three of the five riding lines across the ford. As is stated on the road sign, we recommend you dismount using the straight-legged anti-cramp dismount technique, and push your torture implement, sorry bike, across the footbridge.
The remainder of this section of the Badass is along some pretty gnarly back roads. The views through the trees are great but you’ll have a lot of miles under your belt, and will be bone-weary. Take care and try to ride well within yourself. If you do finish in the dark you’ll need lights that you can see by, not just that you can be seen by. There are bumps, holes, ridges, gravel patches, pools of water, errant pheasants and more suicidal sheep. Professor Badass reckons that if you count the potholes you’ll have as many as there are members of the Conservative party, and we’re not confident the council will have filled them with anything except empty promises by July. Go figure. Either way, it’s a real challenge to get through this section unscathed. But the Badass isn’t meant to be easy……..n’est pas?
Bowland Badass Climbs #26 – Long Lane Hill
The Stats
Starts at mile 159.70 Length 0 23 m Feet of height gain 70 Average gradient 5.8%
We thought we’d notify you of this little hill as it’s the last one on the Badass (unless of course you count Bruna Hill and Police Hill on the way into Garstang as hills, and we don’t because to Badasses these are the merest of mere pimples). What can we say about Long Lane? It’s a pretty humdrum little rise up a country lane; a hill with a little bit of steep, a bit of flatter steep, a little tiny bit more steeper steep, and then a flatter bit. It’s not particularly long either. However, when you hit it at the end of the Badass it might as well be called Infinitely Long Lane because that is what it’ll feel like. You’ll be so tired that if someone hands you a knife you’ll be tempted to gut yourself and chuck your intestines in the flower-filled ditch at the side of the road just to lose a few pounds. After the torture is over it’s more or less a case of descending to Garstang and closing out the ride. If you’re gunning it, this is where you can turn on the afterburners for the final time. If you’re merely trying to survive you can freewheel down the hill slumped over your handlebars and pretend the tears running down your face are because of the wind in your eyes, or the suddenly remembered death of a much loved childhood pet. You’re nearly done……it’s time to get emotional!!
Bowland Badass Climbs #25 – Harrisend Fell
The Stats
Starts at mile 154.31 Length 0.39 m Feet of height gain 45 Average gradient 2.2%
Harrisend Fell is a reasonable size hill to top out on, but only on a mountain bike. Luckily for you the road just shyly skirts its western flank and rises from the cattle grid only a piddly 45 feet. Watch your line on the grid. You plunge down towards it and the road kinks just after. Swing out, straighten up and clip the apex. You’ll see what we mean when you get there. The climb affords brilliant views out across the Wyre. If you’re thinking you might be on the really slow side you will only be seeing it through night vision goggles however. Did we remind you that you might need lights? Watch out for the suicidal sheep on the descent. Remember that old adage: Heads down and munching? Roll on. Heads up and eyeballing? Brake! Brake! Brake! The sheep here really are complete randommers and God only knows where they’ll dash to. Actually, he/she/it doesn’t, because on the Badass he/she/it doesn’t exist. How could any benevolent God exist that would allow you to suffer so badly?
Training for the Badass
Are you still stuck for a training route that supplies the necessary level of suffering to make you feel you’re preparing properly for the crazy world of two-wheeled Badassosity? Look no further. Recently Professor Badass managed to trick one of his riding buddies into doing the TLPL (Total Leg Punishment Loop) with his Garmin attached. Now you’ve got the chance to experience the mainly undiscovered and wonderfully scenic delights of the southern Lake District, seen through a red film of pure pain that stretches across your bulging eyeballs as you climb, climb, climb, and climb again. This carefully calibrated route has been scientifically constructed by the Professor in order to test the legs and willpower of the most fiendishly strong riders. That’s not true. Actually, he just went out on a sunny day once with a map and thought “Sod it! I’m really going to tie one on today….”
The TLPL’s about 106 miles long with around 13,000 feet of climbing. Don’t believe the mapmyride stats. They’re whacked. If you decide to do the TLPL leave a route map and description with a relative or close friend, and take a summary of your past medical history and any medications you might be on for the benefit of the paramedics………
http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/86307753
Can’t download it or can’t be bothered to? Email the Professor and he’ll send you the GPX file……..
Bowland Badass Climbs #24 – Delph Lane Hill
The Stats
Starts at mile 151.20 Length 1.3 m Feet of height gain 270 Average gradient 3.9%
Where does the Delph Lane hill begin? You’ll have been climbing quite a while before you get to the left turn into the lane itself proper, but it’ll only look like a hill after you make the turn. What’s the bad news? You’ll need your granny ring yet again. What’s the good news? At 760 feet this is the highest point before home. Technically it’s all downhill from this point. Well….no, no it isn’t. Not even technically. We’re just trying to make you feel better that’s all.
Bowland Badass Climbs #23 – Brock Bottom
The Stats
Starts at mile 149.40 Length 0.22 m Feet of height gain 85 Average gradient 7.3%
It’s a climb, but it’s not a hill, it’s a dark, little hole. It comes just after Beacon Fell and it’s a wake up call for the leg muscles. The road surface here is well-nadgery and it’s steep both going in and grinding out. Take care. Don’t stop at the bridge or the troll may jump out from under it and kill you. Or is the troll the one inside your head? It’s 1 in 5 to escape from the subterranean gloom. Go wide on the first bend unless you’ve got MTB tyres or you think you’ll still have it in you to keep your arse in the saddle and the thighs chucking out the watts. If you’re in company this is where to make a decisive break because from Brock Bottom to the top of Delph Lane it’s more or less up all the way. Damn! We gave it away. Now everyone will know your tactic…….
Bowland Badass Climbs #22 – Barley Hill
The Stats
Starts at mile 110.22 Length 0.49 m Feet of height gain 265 Average gradient 10.2%
The picturesque village of Barley nestles in a hollow high up in the Pendle Forest Area. T here’s a lovely looking pub with a pint swilling crowd milling about in the sun-drenched beer garden. But you can only drink it all in as you whizz by. If you stop here, you’ll never make it. You’ll spend about 30 seconds chuffing through the village before you hit Barley Hill (well that’s what we call it anyway) and get your first taste of what the next 20 minutes or so will bring as you forge through the heat of the Pendle Forest Hell Zone. The climb up over to Newchurch is steep and brutal, with enough of an incline to blow your thighs apart like a couple of pulpy fragmentation flesh grenades. The public toilets in Newchurch are a great place to stop, either to pee or puke, or perhaps both……….By the way, there is another little hill out of Sabden Fold on the way to Sabden proper that we couldn’t be bothered to include in the table. This little scorcher will slit your throat with a rusty razor. Here is where you stop to call your Mum on your mobile phone and cry like a babe. Take a hanky.
